Our new copywriter Conlan is a bit of an enigma. He’s usually pretty quiet, with a dry and understated demeanor that makes it hard to tell if what he’s saying is really what he’s thinking. That makes these 14 facts all the more helpful by providing insight into the mystery of the Man of a Thousand Wigs. (Despite the title of his memoir, he assures us that “almost all of these facts are pretty much, for the most part, true-ish.”)
1. He majored in English and minored in psychology, so he knows a lot about words and a little about minds.
2. He doesn’t care about your typos.
3. PROFIT!
4. He likes coffee. He gets his beans from Cafe Corazon and brews them with an Aeropress.
5. His heart’s deepest yearning is to be able to time travel to the past. (He has already figured out how to time travel to the future at a rate of one year per year.)
6. He conducted a successful Kickstarter campaign to fund the writing of a book called “Mostly Lies.”
7. He is currently writing a book called “Mostly Lies.”
8. He doesn’t have a tattoo, but if he did it would probably be the Chinese symbol for “tattoo.”
9. He wishes he didn’t have to write a book called “Mostly Lies.”
10. In high school, he invented his own unofficial school mascot: Captain Bear-Man. The costume consisted of a very cool-looking cape (custom-sewn by his aunt), a plastic megaphone worn as a hat, clear plastic safety goggles, a t-shirt, and sweatpants with white briefs on the outside. The school made him take off his underpants.
11. In second grade, he won a “say no to drugs” essay contest. The prize was a school sweatshirt, which is what gave him the idea to create an unofficial school mascot 10 years later.
12. He doesn’t like to eat in public.
13. He doesn’t own a TV or a microwave.
14. He makes buttons with his face on them. The current iteration is the third version.
