15 Facts You Didn’t Know About Dave

Dave, our assistant editor, is a mysterious figure. Few have been able to penetrate his steely exterior to get to know the soft, gentle soul inside. To help you discover the wonder that is Dave, we present 15 Facts You Didn’t Know About Dave.

1. He won a talent competition as a fourth grader which earned him a spot in a national Nerf gun commercial. Along with the role, he won a lifetime supply of Nerf product. Because of this, he always has a Nerf gun on hand, much to dismay of his co-workers and family.

(Dave is behind the lead actor’s left shoulder)

2. His favorite band is Puddle of Mudd, who he has seen in concert 17 times in four different states.

3. He’s had many nicknames throughout his life. Among them: Baby Dave, Famous Dave, King David, Davidicus, Day-Day, Davey Crockett Jones the Goliath Slayer, Daveman, Davedawg, Davinator, D-Dub, Unca Dave, Deet, Young Warner, The Warning, Werner Brother, Time Werner Cable, Contrary Dave, The Contrarian, The Mediator, Fate, Sugar Plum, Shoog P, and Bubba Dave Shrimp.

4. He likes to respond with song titles during normal conversation. For instance, if you say, “Hey Dave. You’re a lying hipster,” he might respond by saying, “Lie, Cheat, Steal, Kill, Everybody’s doing it. Run the Jewels.”

5. When he was a child, he dreamed of being a gas station attendant because one time a gas station attendant gave him a handful of free Starbursts.

6. His favorite TV show is “Cheaters”, because he once watched an ex get their karmic payback on a Fresno-taped episode of the show.

7. He is an artist and often has his multi-media projects on display at ArtHop. A selection from his critically-panned March exhibit:

8. Dave was raised as a Scientologist, but converted to the Church of the Universe People in 2005. On Tuesday nights you can find him on a local street corner, passing out pamphlets for the religion (which is a blend of Christianity, UFOlogy, and conspiracy theory).

9. Dave wears headphones around his neck at all times. Even in the shower, the car, and the bed. He gets separation anxiety if they’re off for even a few minutes.

10. Before college, Dave studied the ancient art of origami for two years at Willow International Center in Osaka, Japan.

11. His favorite conversation subjects: hip-hop, hipsters, hippopotami, hip pain, and that one elevator scene in the movie Inception.

12. Favorite catchphrases: “Doubtful.” “Debatable.” “What is happening?” “Loves it.” “No.” “I don’t care.”

13. Much like his namesake Carrie Bradshaw, Dave has over 1,500 pairs of shoes.

14. Dave attends a disproportionate amount of barbecues every winter and at least two soup-themed dinner parties every summer. The next one is July 17th.

15. His favorite co-worker, by a landslide, is Haley*.

*Writer’s note: This post was not written by Haley (due to Dave’s unwillingness to cooperate).**
**Editor’s note: This post was definitely written by Haley (due to Dave’s unwillingness to cooperate).